I haven’t had a normal dream for a long time.

Most of my dreams, when I can remember them, involve being lost or losing something. I usually end up in a loop. One place to another place to another place, none fitting or being what I’m looking for or where I’m looking to be.

Outside of the annoyance, there’s nothing bothersome about these dreams. I know the cause: anxiety.

But the other night was different.

The dream I had was extraordinarily violent, which isn’t typical for me, and though I didn’t wake up scared, the departure in tone was noticeable. “What’s up with that?” I thought to myself when I was awake enough to remember.

The answer? Anxiety.

I like to think I’m pretty well plugged into my feelings. I’m not afraid of big feelings and I’m not afraid of the emotional discomfort that sometimes comes with big feelings. I go to the gym and limit myself to one cup of coffee (OK, I had 1.5 today). I know when my anxiety is amped and take action.

But in today’s world, everything feels urgent.

What I learned recently during a presentation my friend Anjali Bidani gave to my anti-racist book club about how people can prepare themselves to lean into personal growth and have difficult conversations is that being as specific as we can about our emotions helps diffuse what might be challenging us.

Anjali walked us all through the feelings wheel, talking about the benefits of being able to think about and talk about our feelings with more specificity. Doing so can help settle our emotions so we’re more open to leaning into vulnerability. In context of the book club, that means being able to challenge some of our default settings that get in the way of having conversations that challenge our understanding and experience of the world.

In my own managing of my anxiety, that means getting to know that I’m not just scared, I feel helpless and worried and nervous and exposed. (That’s A LOT of feelings!)

By digging in and naming my emotions more precisely, I’m less at the mercy of the unknown and instead of flailing I can work to manage big feelings before they become overwhelming.

So if you, too, are feeling like you’re running full speed on a hamster wheel some days and are thisclose to having your feet come out from underneath you, consider taking some time to root around your feelings a little.

Then, name it to tame it.

The Light Links

Unlock the power of your emotions

Free digital feelings wheel (I love this!)

Shuffle Mamas (These two always make me smile.)